I Won't Give Up
by alittlenutjob
Summary: I re-watched Joe vs the Volcano. It's a better film than you remember. As always I own nothing and write this with the greatest respect for the original creators. Music: Jason Mraz, I Won't Give Up


He held a crumpled bouquet of orchids.

Even this late in spring it was far too cold to be at the top of the Empire State Building without a coat, but he had sweat through 4 layers of clothes, again. It was a little bit perfect.

While other little girls had dreamed of their wedding day, she had dreamed of this. The moment that a man would be so overcome by his love for her that he would put everything on the line for her, and force her to admit that she needed him too.

It cost this private man everything to do this big public thing. His eyes held the same terrified hope she'd seen once before, on a plane. It had cost him a lot to say 'Four' that night, and in that moment four had sounded almost exactly like 'I love you.'

A smile tugged at her lips as she remembered their first kiss, and his eyes brightened. It was the exact same look he'd had the night she'd turned up late to Richie's party. He'd looked at her with that kind of happiness many times since, but the first memory that came to her mind was of a night before everything happened, when their friendship was solid and real.

This time he actually said I love you. He insisted that he'd made a mistake walking away, that he thought he could save them both some pain. He'd realized that very night as he stood outside her apartment when he'd said he had to have her he really meant all of her, not just her friendship. He'd just been scared of losing her, but being friends was a kind of pain he didn't know existed until he'd run away from what they could really be together. He said he'd never do it again. It was the most beautiful thing any person had ever said to her.

She held his hands and both of them cried this time. She kissed his cheek and told him that it had taken too long for them to heal when they broke up. It had taken too long to get their friendship back, and the further she was from that night in her bedroom the more clearly she could see why he did it and why it was the right thing. She and Danny could be lovers for a while or they could be friends for the rest of their lives. She had to have him too, but it had to be friendship.

She left him standing with his broken flowers and before she made it to the elevator a keening tore from him, pure anguish beyond comprehension. Of its own accord, her body replied with a cry she swallowed as the elevator doors closed and cut them off. It wasn't supposed to hurt like this again. She slumped against the wall and the tears that had fallen softly before poured from her freely.

Later as she lay awake in bed she wondered if this was how he'd felt that terrible night. She'd had no idea that there was a feeling that went beyond heartbroken. Soul sick. Where had she even heard that term? Meg Ryan. Joe versus the Volcano was no Sleepless in Seattle or You've Got Mail, but there were little moments that spoke to the heart, like the speech about soul sickness, and that kind of miracle should never be underestimated.

What would she do if she was told she had only months left to live? She'd almost definitely shop like Tom Hanks had shopped in the film. New luggage sounded nice, but a lifelong battle with seasickness probably ruled out a trip to a Pacific island. She could barely make it to Staten. She closed her eyes and wondered when she started thinking of it as 'Staten.' Danny Castellano's face filled her mind, brown eyes like storm clouds even in quiet moments, except when he looked at her. The way he had tonight. With hope. With love.

Mindy sat bolt upright in her bed. How had she failed her own test? If she had six months left to live she would spend it, every single second of it, with him.

"What have I done?"

. . . .

"Pick up, pick up," she muttered into the phone as she pulled her shoe on.

"Mindy?" Peter sounded like he was already awake, and it occurred to her that he was on call tonight probably because Danny asked him to cover for him.

"Is Danny at the hospital?" she asked in a voice so shrill with panic it didn't sound like her own.

"No, I'm covering his on call."

"I told him no."

"I know."

"How?"

"I don't want to say."

"Tell me. Peter. Please."

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. Danny had a big party planned for you after you left the Empire State Building. He texted Jeremy. We all know."

"He didn't," she whispered.

"He did."

"He won't pick up his phone. I've texted and called and he's not taking my calls. I didn't even think he knew how to block a call." What began as a nervous chuckle ended with a sound between a sob and a hiccup.

"Min, you okay?"

Mindy shook her head, knowing full well that Peter couldn't see her, but when she opened her mouth to reply the sobs returned in earnest.

"Min, why did you do it? I know you wanted this."

"I did. I do." She sniffled. "I just messed up. Can you call him? Maybe he'll pick up if it's you."

"I doubt it. He knows you and I are BBFs."

"BFFs," she corrected.

"No BBFs. Best Bros Forever."

"Peter...please."

"Okay, I'll try to call him." He paused. "Why are you wheezing?"

"I'm running."

"YOU'RE running?"

"I can't wait for a cab."

"Jesus. Okay. I'll text you and let you know what he says if he answers."

. . . .

Mindy pounded on Danny's door. Peter's text said Danny didn't answer his calls either. "Danny, open up. I need to talk to you. Danny, please!"

The door swung open and she was greeted by the warm brown eyes of Richie Castellano. Her face fell, but she charged past him into Danny's living room. "Where is he?"

Richie shut the door quietly and turned to her, arms crossed. "What's it to you? And why are you sweating?"

"I ran here."

"You RAN here?"

"I wish people would stop saying that."

"Like from _When Harry Met Sally?_"

Mindy looked a little impressed before the worry returned to her face. "Where is he?"

"I'm not going to tell you that," Richie said quietly as she rushed to Danny's bedroom, then the bathroom.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and was surprised by the wild-eyed maniac staring back at her. "He's not here," she said as Richie walked up behind her.

"No."

"Why are you here?" She turned to face him.

"I think the better question is why are you here. Do you know what it took for him to do what he did? Do you have any idea how hard he'd worked on making this perfect?" Richie shook his head angrily. "And to answer your question, he flew me in for this. Sit down. I'll get you a glass of water. You're a mess."

Head in her hands Mindy tried to calm down enough to explain herself. "I know what it took for him to do this. I do, Richie. I got scared. He's my best friend and I thought that when he broke up with me he was being a coward, but I know. I know now that was the hardest thing he'd ever done because I did the same thing to him tonight. I thought I could save us a lifetime of regret when we eventually fell apart again."

"Why did you think you'd fall apart again? Don't answer that, hold on." Richie disappeared into Danny's bedroom and returned clutching a little white box which he tossed at her. "That was our Nonna's ring. He had it cleaned and resized. He asked our ma for it when he had meningitis."

She caught the box and looked at Richie in confusion. "What?"

"I thought he was just messed up with a fever but he said he knew this was it for him. I don't know what made him back out when he did, but he held on to that ring."

Mindy opened the box and stared down at a tiny diamond, barely even a chip, in an old fashioned yellow gold setting. It was the opposite of anything she'd ever wanted in an engagement ring, and she'd never seen anything more beautiful. "Richie I didn't know."

"No, you didn't think."

Her face crumpled. "You're right. If I'd thought about this for even a second I'd have realized that I would risk feeling like I do right now for the rest of my life just to tell him how much he means to me. Sometimes you just have to say yes."

Richie's face softened. "He said pretty much the same thing."

"How did I mess this up so bad?"

Richie scribbled something on a slip of paper and handed it to her. "Look, he went to Staten. He didn't want to stay here tonight because of the memories and he's gonna stay with Ma for a while."

Mindy read the address and looked up at Richie with eyes full of gratitude.

"Go," Richie said. "The ferry runs all night."

"Thank you, Richie." She grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Thank you."

As she pulled the door shut behind her and took off running across the city again, she heard him shout. "Good luck, Harry."

. . . .

The wind off the water was cold on her face. There was something about being on the ferry at night though that was less unsettling than other trips, and the cool air helped the queasy feeling. Leaning against the rail she closed her eyes and breathed deeply, grateful that the Empire State Building wasn't really visible from this angle. There was a good chance she'd have to jump into the bay if she saw it right now.

"Mindy?"

"Danny?" She turned around with her eyes still closed. If she opened her eyes and found that she'd imagined his voice behind her she was absolutely going to have to jump in the bay.

"Min, what are you doing here?"

Her eyes flew open. She couldn't even open her mouth, much less respond in a comprehensible way. The wail of grief she'd swallowed before, the pure sorrow that tried to tear from her body the moment she'd heard his cry when she walked away from him finally surfaced. It was embarrassing and it was real and his face crumpled at the sound. She covered her mouth as hot tears sprang to her eyes. She leapt for him, burying her face in his chest, holding him so tight that he squirmed uncomfortably.

"Mindy, what are you doing?" His voice was a little shaky and his eyes once again glistened with tears he didn't let fall.

"I came for you. Richie said you were at your mom's place. You left hours ago. How are you here right now? I'm not ready."

"Not ready for what?" His Adam's apple bobbed as he watched her with his mouth in a grim line.

"Answer me first. Why are you here?"

"I wasn't ready to see my Ma. I left something at my place."

"We must have missed each other by minutes."

"You went to my place?"

"Yes. You wouldn't answer my calls."

"Richie didn't say anything."

"That's weird."

"That is weird." He struggled free of her embrace. "But it's beside the point. What aren't you ready for? There's nothing left to say."

"No, Danny..."

Her interrupted her. "Mindy, we tried. We both know we can't do this. So what are you hoping for here?"

"A miracle."

"Mindy, miracles are for saints and we're just a couple of fucked up people who hurt each other."

"No Danny, we're a couple of fucked up people who love each other."

"You love me?" His voice cracked a little.

"Yes I love you."

He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly. "We've made too many mistakes. We're both always going to wonder when the other is gonna run. If we can't trust each other we can't be together."

"Danny I'm not looking for a way out. I just ran across a city for you."

"And I stood with my heart in my fucking hands at the Empire State Building and watched you walk away from me." His eyes glittered in the halflight surrounding them. "You walked away from me, Mindy. I love you too. But the timing stinks."

She reached out and took his hands. "It does. The timing stinks, but I realized something tonight. If I had six months to live I'd spend them with you."

"What?"

She shook her head dismissively. "It's from Joe vs the Volcano."

"The Tom Hanks movie?"

"The Meg Ryan movie."

"What?" Danny looked confused.

"It doesn't matter. Marry me."

"What?"

"Marry me."

"Mindy..." He frowned.

"Danny Castellano, I love you. I don't know if you know this, but you're my best friend. Even when we couldn't even talk to each other all I ever wanted to do was tell you about my day and hear everything that was happening with you. You were wrong when you said you'd ruin this. Our friendship is too strong for that. That's how I know this will work. We're going to fight, almost constantly. You'll be rude and I'll be obnoxious and together we will probably alienate everyone else we know, but I will not leave you and I know you will not leave me. I love you and I like you."

"I know that one, it's the blonde girl."

"Don't interrupt. I know what it took for you to do what you did today, and how much I hurt you when I walked away. I know because I know you."

"Min..."

She squeezed his hands. "I said don't interrupt. I can't do this if you stop me now. I know you and I know that if I had 6 months to live I would spend them with you. And I would be a fool to throw away the chance to spend forever with you. I want this, you and me and I don't want to wait another second for it. Marry me. Please."

He looked at her with dark, unreadable eyes. She felt her heart rise, a sickness that wasn't the boat, it wasn't soul sick, it was the unbearable emptiness she'd felt all those months when he wouldn't talk to her. If he said no she didn't know what she'd do. That sickness, the wanting of him, would fill every waking moment of the rest of her life.

"I'm going to count to three. If you don't kiss me, I'll realize that I wasted the only chance I had at happiness and I will go back to Manhattan in humiliation." She stared into his eyes and took a deep breath. "One."

"Two." She searched his eyes for any hint of what he was feeling. He'd been ready for this only hours ago, but he just stared at her with those storm cloud eyes.

"Three." She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but found that she couldn't. She couldn't even breathe. Could she have been wrong about their friendship? Was it really not strong enough to move them past what had happened?

He let go of her hands and she felt all the warmth in her body leave with him.

Then he dropped on one knee and pulled a familiar white box out of his pocket and smiled. "Four."


End file.
